Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
