TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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