You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
