thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
