You're my little dorito
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
