oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
