Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
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Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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