I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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