i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
