I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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