Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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