im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
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It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
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Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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