32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
