Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
