He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Buhtt sex?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
