we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize