I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
