dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids