Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts