I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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