Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.