I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
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watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
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I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.