distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
