This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
A+ Viking dick
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
