I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
