she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
