If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
