literally had 100 drinks last night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
