she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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