Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
