i jhust puked up my retainher.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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