There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
