I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
