i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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