you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
