end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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