were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I AM VODKA MAN
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
