JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
