Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
