You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This is the high leading the old right now
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
