Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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