dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
