I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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