I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's blow job season.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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