the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
