yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
