Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
