As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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