i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
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Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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