Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
