): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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