I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
