saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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