dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
