Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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