I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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