Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
