Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
