He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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