so explain again why im purple
no
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
