There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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