I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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