i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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