Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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