how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
