dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
