I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize