i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
