Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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