Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
