she woke up with a sticky ear
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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