Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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