The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
