Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I need water and some morals
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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