There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
