Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
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Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
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Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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