thus making me awesome and them whores
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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